Reflections
by Commander Sun
Summary: Pretty much a fic of Leorio's wandering thoughts on topics of his past and future. Thoughts mainly dealing with Kurapika.


Title: Reflections  
Author: Emily Anderson  
Rating: G  
Anime: Hunter x Hunter  
Brief Summary: Pretty much a fic of Leorio's wandering thoughts on topics of his past and future. Thoughts mainly dealing with Kurapika.  
Disclaimers: Oh, please give me the rights. Kidnap them and give them to me. Or… better yet… kidnap Kurapika and Leorio and give them to me.  
Dedication: Mew! This is dedicated to Mina. Kya. My beautiful girlfriend. She has given me such inspiration and support. Sometimes it's just in subtle ways, but... it feels so good.  
  
My mind traced his name around in my mind, whispering it through my senses. It was a beautiful sound that seemed to grasp at my soul. Almost as if one of his chains had pierce my heart and stolen it for himself. Of course, I didn't mind this, as he was the only person I wished to let in and seems I was the only one he would let in, as well.  
  
Strange how I'd never wanted to let anyone in after my friend died. I always blamed myself for what had happened; always felt I shouldn't let anyone close. Somehow I believed that anyone that grew to know me would end up like him some day. That's why I'd devoted my mind to becoming a doctor.  
  
So many times I'd tell strangers that I only wanted the money so they'd think me shallow. It's an easy way to avoid unnecessary attention, as well; people won't try to get to know you as readily. Though, for some reason on that dark night those two broke through what I'd created around me. Without thought, even, I helped save their lives, as well as another man. If the three of us hadn't been so in sync... they would have perished at sea.  
  
If that had happened, I'm sure I could never have forgiven myself. I have a warm air, but I do hide behind a false front. Hiding who I really am and what I'm made of. Things that haunt me stay so far below my surface that it's hard to see what affect it's had on me, and that... would have probably broken me as a man. My friend had wanted me to live on, but these strangers... I didn't know them. Even so, it would have felt like I'd lost someone because I was once again incompetent.  
  
Time has changed so much in me. I once was such a distant creature, always alone. Honestly, I was never seen in the same company for more than a week's time. That is, unless it was extremely necessary. So, to see me travel with these friends I'd made was such an odd sight if I put it into that perspective.  
  
Sometimes it is just odd to look at one's life from the view of another. And sometimes, I wish I could do it completely. Many nights I lay awake and wonder just how he sees me. Wonder if he has feelings comparable in strength to my own. I know he's capable of them, but... with me? I don't know.  
  
Often I get like this when he visits, when our time seems to start to tick away to nothing. Tick away to the moment where we will once again be separated by distance, only have one another's distant words. I'd given him my promise that one day this would all be over, that we would finally be able to rest in one another's arms at the end of the day and not worry about the pain of saying goodbye in few short hours.  
  
My cause for being a doctor has always been called 'noble' by others, but I never cared. I was in it for so much more. Originally it was so history could not repeat itself, but now, it was more than that. True, in a sense, it was so history wouldn't repeat itself, but it became a slightly more selfish reasoning. I never wanted to loose him so I would be left once again with only my gloomy and empty future.  
  
He gave me reason to open up and be who I am. I don't want that taken from me, especially by the cruel fate of death. So, I suppose it is a selfish thing I need, but... I'd like to think doing something like that, for such a strong love, is what one could call a noble cause as well.  
  
I suppose I shouldn't waste our time living in my thoughts, just living in the moment, but sometimes it's good to reflect. Remember the past to never repeat its faults and look to the future to keep hope. I will always have that hope of being by his side for all time pounding deep inside.  
  
A/N: Erm, sorry about how random Leorio's thoughts are in this... my thoughts were kind of rambling like this for most of the day and I just felt like... writing some of them out through a character who was in a semi-similar situation as my own. Heh.


End file.
